Dating Over 50

Just about three months short of five years since my divorce, I am well acquainted with the world of on-line dating and somewhat puzzled by the limited success I have met.

This far, I have dated only three women for longer than six weeks -- one for 3-1/2 months, one for 2-1/2 months and a third for only six weeks. There have also been a few three week dating experiences, several that lasted two dates and ten or so that were just one time meetings.

The three "longer" experiences all ended when deal breakers turned up in the ladies' behavior or lifestyles. One of them was a hyper-enabler of her adult children, something that I can't stand; another revealed marked impatience for her children's needs and for mistakes of any kind; the third asked if we were "headed for marriage" after only six weeks of dating.

I also discovered that a great many women "miss-state" (won't use the word lie) their age on their online profiles. I am not exaggerating when I say several understated their age by easily ten years. Either that, or they easily looked at least ten years or more older than their actual age. This observation comes after comparing the photos they shared in their profiles with their appearance when we actually met.

While age isn't everything, nor are physical appearances, the fact remains that with age comes physical limitations that, while acceptable by a partner as they manifest over time, are hopefully as far off as current age brackets will allow. Likewise, a partner's changing appearance as they age is also expected and accepted as time brings these changes; while it is not quite fair to spring said physical appearance changes on a guy almost instantly!

It should be noted that men are equally capable of these "deceptions" as are women, and many women have no doubt met with the same disappointments as I.

As for the overall experience of online dating, although I have had a reasonably good time meeting many congenial ladies, it occurs to me that while virtually all of the women I've met through these venues "claim" to want a "down-to-earth," "honest," "emotionally open," "easy to talk to," "monogamous," "funny," "devoted to family" and "caring" guy, the truth is that I doubt any of them knows exactly what it is they want.

I can honestly say that I fit the requirements noted above, requirements posted by nearly all women as desirable in a man, nearly all those that I have met have used the phrases "I just don't feel the chemistry" or "I didn't feel the spark" after just one date.

Ladies, if you are counting on "love at first sight" to signal "this is THE one," you are in for a lot of letdowns and probable long-term problems. You will not feel that "spark" or "chemistry" until Mr. GQ appears on your next date and sweeps you off your feet with dazzling conversation designed to loosen your panties and turn your rational mind to mush. And it won't be until he fails to call (as he will inevitably promise to do), or you discover that he is in actuality still married or a workaholic or otherwise unsuitable that you realize you've "picked the wrong man, again!"

It is impossible to know in the space of a single hour on a single date whether there's enough between you and your date upon which to start to build a friendship let alone a relationship and then eventually a marriage. Heck, I've gone out two or three times with ladies who, at first meeting, seemed a bit stiff or ill at ease only to find out the next time we met that they'd loosened up substantially. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and, although they ultimately didn't work out, we had a few good hours of conversation and some laughs.

It takes time to know. Period. So to say after just one hour that you didn't feel the spark may well be true, but it is not a reason to throw away potential that may emerge over a few more dates.

Although I have behaved in all cases true to my actual nature on every date I have gone (except possibly the first two or three, during which I was extremely nervous and embarrassingly out of practice) , and have, I believe, manifest many of the traits the lady with whom I was with listed among the things she found attractive in a man, the "no spark" and "no chemistry" ultimately emerged.

Bottom line, this is getting frustrating!